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It’s only a couple more days until Lent and I’m struggling to come up with something to give up. I feel like I’ve given up a lot already this year. I’m not eating a lot of cheese, wheat or sugar. I’ve found that cheese and some wheat really bother my stomach and sugar just isn’t good for me. I did indulge a little more than usual over the weekend and I paid the price. I still feel kind of yucky. The good thing was that I stayed away from the dessert (yes, I’m patting myself on the back here).
Someone once told me that I didn’t have to give up something, that I could use it as a time to create a new habit in my life. I’m contemplating that as well, but here again, not sure what I want to do. I’m hoping something will pop up in the next couple of days.
What are you doing during Lent?
By now, you should be aware of the pay it forward concept. It seemed to make a big entrance with the movie Pay It Forward starring Helen Hunt, Haley Joel Osment and Kevin Spacey and has continued to build momentum. This is just one type of a random act of kindness. Random Acts of Kindness week is February 13th through the 19th. What can you do? I know of a couple of people who regularly pay it forward. I’ve never done it. I guess I just don’t think about it, plus money has been tight in the last year. So, I look for other ways to act kind from letting someone in front of me while driving or at the grocery store to holding the door open for the person behind me. It can be simple things, things we take for granted every day. It could be smiling and saying, “hello,” to someone you pass on the street. You never know how that will affect someone. Do you have an elderly neighbor who needs a little help sweeping their walks of snow or running to the grocery store? Simple acts of kindness are everywhere. If you’re so inclined, get involved in a big activity like cleaning a park or picking up litter along the road. If that’s your route, I applaud you. My problem is having the time. What random acts of kindness do you do? Please share them.
It’s International Friendship Week. Really and truly, this isn’t just another one of those emails that you receive year round telling you it’s friendship week. I used to get those emails all the time, but I found it that it really is friendship week, so I wanted to give a shout out to my friends and tell them how much I appreciate them.
As a matter of fact, I’m supposed to get together with them tonight and I am so looking forward to it. I haven’t seen them since before Christmas so, we have a lot to catch up on. I try to check in with them every once in awhile. We do catch up by phone and/or email in between our visits, but nothing beats the face-to-face interaction.
I have two great friends who are about as opposite as can be. One friend is a daring and bold while the other is more along the straight and narrow. One of them is my spiritual confidante while the other goes with me to see vampire movies. But, we all unite together in our religious beliefs and balance each other out in so many ways.
Do you have any good close friends? It’s hard as mothers and women to really have good friends, to have time for them, but we need them for our own sanity, if nothing else. It’s vital to our survival to have someone we can confide in and who can confide in us without judgement.
If you’re struggling to find time for or even make a friend, start slow. Ask a co-worker, neighbor, mom at the school pick up line that you kind of like out for coffee. Start with the little things and build upon that, but do it regularly. Even if you’re shy, surely there’s someone you strike up a conversation with every now and then.
Or, is there someone you’ve lost touch with? Reach out. It’s never too late. A few months ago, I reached out to a friend I had a falling out with over 20 years ago. She was so gracious and forgiving that it was wonderful to be back in touch with her again. As the Nike commercial says, “Just Do It!”
Give a shout out to your friends in the comments below.
As a gardner, I like the idea of planting seeds. It’s really about time to start planting seeds inside for those plants I want to try to take outside, but that’s another post. As a parent, we’re always planting seeds in our little ones. Sometimes, those seeds are not so great. Sometimes, they are. In a previous post, I talked about how I was hoping to build confidence in my oldest child and how I can remind her just how special she is when she doesn’t feel so special. It think this idea follows that same path.
So, how do you sow the seeds you want your child to grow? One of the best ways is to lead by example. We’ve restarted the “cuss bucket” again. We started it when the oldest was little and she got quite a bit of coin from us then, we felt we were doing pretty well, so we stopped. Now, we’re hearing from the oldest that we’re using those words again. So, it’s time to drag out the cuss bucket and start filling it before the little one starts imitating us. I’m finding this time around that we’re a little more conscious of our word choices so the girls aren’t earning quite as much.
Another way to lead by example happened tonight. My oldest’s school is collecting spare change for the Leukemia Foundation. I asked her if she was going to participate but she told me no. She wants to spend her money on toys and things she wants. I explained how I thought that was sad because her Papa had been sick with Leukemia and it would be nice to collect money on his behalf. I also explained that when we have money, we give some to others. It helps us and them. But, it’s got me thinking. She obviously doesn’t see me when I donate to the church or some other charitable foundation. Do I need to make myself more visible? I think so.
The biggest seeds of greatness are within the child. It’s finding what they excel at and supporting them, nurturing them, while they do it and explore it. My daughter loves music, loves to dance and sing. I support her, although sometimes not in the way I’d like or she would like, but we do things to have fun together. I can teach her what I know of music and go from there.
How are you planting seeds of greatness in your children?
My 7 year old has self-esteem issues and I want to help her now before she becomes a teenager with self-esteem issues. I went through them myself when I was a kid, always believing that I wasn’t good enough, trying to be perfect and live up to high expectations. I know what happens where that poor self-esteem can lead and I don’t want to see her travel that path. The sad thing is, she didn’t used to have it.
She has always been something of a perfectionist. She comes by it naturally and takes after her mom a little in that respect. She feels that if she can’t do it perfectly the first time that it’s not worth doing. It took me a long time to realize that perfectionism was dumb and I know that I can’t make her see that, she has to see it for herself. But, having come from that background, I have tried very hard to not instill a sense of perfectionism in her. I encourage her to try again, to keep practicing. I tell her I love her and praise her when she does something great.
But, now that she’s in school, she lets her difficulties get the better of her and her “best friend” is not helping. My daughter struggles in math. She finally got addition and is a rock star with it. I’ve told her that she’s a rock star. She struggles with subtraction. We fight over it. Her friend tells her she’s stupid. When she gets a problem right, I praise her. I’m now trying to find a tutor for her because I don’t like arguing about it.
Now, when she gets a problem wrong, she says she’s stupid and she hates life. How do I get her out of this?
Earlier today, as I was searching for more information about International Boost Self-Esteem Month, I came across a website (www.heritagemakers.com) that talked about a book she created for her daughter when she was struggling with self-esteem. It was called a VIP book and was basically a scrapbook of pictures with her daughter and everyone important to her (mom, dad, grandparents, cousins, etc.). I liked the idea!
For the past couple of years, I have been writing in both my girls’ journals about events that happen during their weeks. I have also been collecting her art and school work, like most parents. So, here’s my idea: to create a VIP especially for her filled with people that she matters to, projects she’s done an outstanding job on and snippets from her journal. Of course, we’ll add to it as we go through the years, but I think it’s a start.
In the meantime, I will continue to help her through her journey of life telling her of my struggles, loving her and giving her words of encouragement as we go. I just want her to always know that I’m here for her and her biggest fan.
We all have demons we battle. Sometimes, we battle them daily while other times they rear their ugly heads from a long time of sleeping. Just when we think it’s finally been beaten back, there is your old demon to meet you in battle again.
The biggest I demon I battle is self-doubt. I tell myself I’m not good enough, that I’m a failure in every venture I undertake, that I just don’t have the staying power to stick through something, I’m not a good enough parent or wife, etc. A lot of my self-doubt has arisen from what has been told to me throughout the years before I really began to deal with it.
I have battled my demons through books, affirmation, prayers, counseling and thought I had them beat. But, I can sit in a traffic jam with my foot on the brake and an old boyfriend will “pop up” next to me telling me not to keep my foot on the brake. Sometimes, I can feel the sting of his smack to my leg. I’ve even gone as far as to hit the seat next to me to make him disappear again. Crazy, huh?
My toughest challenges come when I have tried to be successful in endeavors that I was so hopeful for only to see them disappear. Then, the old voice comes back to say, “Just another failure.” I try to look at what worked and what went wrong, but I still hear that voice. I tell myself that the next time will work, but when it doesn’t, I beat myself up all over again. I wonder, “When is it my turn to succeed?”
What it comes down to is that I have so much self-doubt that I “know” I will fail before I even try, so why try? This is when our old friend, Yoda, needs to come to my assistance and tell me to “Do or do not.” The choice is not always so easy, but the easier choice is to “do not,” isn’t it? But is that the best choice? Sometimes, I suppose, but not always. So, what do you do when self-doubt creeps in? What demons are you battling and how are you fighting them?
Growing up, I was a very shy little girl. I remember being afraid to raise my hand in class for fear that if I gave the wrong answer, the kids would all laugh at me. It seemed that when I did speak up in class, I was put down, not by my class, but by the teacher, and they always wondered why I was so quiet in their classes? The most common feedback my parents received during conferences had to do with my shyness.
I had several close friends with whom I could let my hair and did plenty of. They seemed to be the only people who truly accepted me for me. As I got older, it was sometimes hard to make friends due to my shyness, but with time and patience, I would.
Becoming less shy has been a long time process, one that I am still working on today. In college, I started to branch out and open up, but still remained pretty shy. My professors probably would have commented on it if there were parent-teacher conferences.
Upon graduating from college, I believe I remained somewhat shy until I took a kickboxing class and started working toward belts. More importantly, it allowed me to build self-confidence, something I had been lacking much of my life.
Unfortunately, I was only able to stay in class for about a year, not really enough time to become truly confident, but enough to give me a taste and know that I still needed to improve.
That’s when I began to immerse myself in books on the subject. I read many books by Barbara D’Angelis and would try out the techniques she suggested in her books, sometimes overdoing it and having to tweak my actions a little bit. Some people don’t take too well to an overly sunny disposition when you haven’t been that way prior.
After moving to Colorado, I had to put some of my knowledge to practice. I also got back into Human Resources and had to interact with employees on a daily basis. I honed my public speaking skills and became confident in my abilities to interact with others. Now, I am the social one, more of the extrovert and my husband is the reserved one. It’s been a nice change.
I think age and maturity has played a part in becoming less shy, as well. I find these days, I’m less concerned with what people think of me and of living for what others want me to make of my life. I realize that it’s now time to take a stand for myself and determine who I really am. I still struggle with saying things I really want to say when they need to be said, but it’s been one baby step at a time up until now and it will continue to be that way.
Have you struggled with being shy? What’s worked or working for you? We’d love to know!
I have been blogging on Better Well Being for over a year and when I saw this topic on another blog, I thought it would be an easy one, but it’s really not. In so many ways, I still feel like a newbie to the blogging world. I know there are so many other things that I could do to really spread my message and get my blog out there, but I’m afraid to try so I blame it on lack of time.
So, what have I really learned from blogging? Well, let’s see:
1. I’ve learned to love writing again and work on my writing. When I was young, I loved to write and would create fun, short stories and poems just for the heck of it. Hey! I even got my degree in English Writing. By blogging, I’ve been able to start writing again. I think my writing has gotten better since the first few posts and I’m now working on writing one novel while editing another one.
2. I’ve learned how to create a website. Before, I would have thought that building a website needed a degree in some kind of web-language and was really hard to do, but there are so many sites out there that can help you and make it easy to do. With a few mouse clicks, you can have a blog up and running in no time.
3. Blogging is fun. Even if I’m not making any money from my blog and not bringing in the traffic I’d like, I know how to get there and I enjoy blogging. I get to talk about whatever I want and share my opinions to cyberspace. Sometimes, I get a few snide comments, but oh well. They don’t have to come back.
4. Blogging is a responsibility that I take seriously. Yes, there are days when I think, “why bother?” but there are also days when I look forward to my topic or sharing my opinion.
I’m sure that I’ve learned more, but this is what comes to mind now. Are you a blogger? What have you learned?
New Year’s goals wouldn’t be complete without one for our finances. Of course, you can’t realistically make it your goal to win the lottery or come into some other sudden windfall to make all your financial woes go away. There are just too many other factors playing against you. So, what do we plan for? What does financial wellness mean?
Financial Wellness is about taking care of the problems by honestly addressing them and planning for the future. You know whether or not you’re in financial dire straights. If you don’t, you need to find out now. That’s part of being well financially. So, how do we address our financial problems?
1. Run a free credit report from all 3 financial reporting agencies. Once you receive them, look for discrepancies. One thing I did, was to create a spreadsheet of all of our debt and how much we owed. It was a real eye opener.
2. Determine what you can pay off first. I recommend following Dave Ramsey’s advice and create a snowball effect. Start with the lowest amount you owe and work up to the most amount of money you owe. Why? Because you feel more of a sense of accomplishment by paying off the lower amounts and working up to the higher ones. Of course, it’s up to you. You can pay off the ones with the highest interest rates first and work to the lower amounts. Regardless, this may take you some time, even years to accomplish.
3. Stay on top of your expenditures and try to stay away from accumulating any additional debt.
4. Throw whatever additional money you can at the debt you’ve decided to pay off first. Once you pay off something, use that monthly payment to go towards the next debt and so on.
We’ve focused first on debt, now let’s take a look at savings.
1. If you’re employer has a matching 401(k) or other retirement program, get in it. You’re leaving money on the table by not participating. Most financial planners will say to maximize the employer’s match, but sometimes you just can’t. Any amount you can put in, helps in the long run.
2. Pay yourself. Set up a savings account and put whatever you can afford in there, maybe it’s $10 a week, maybe it’s more. Look around to see where you can pull the money from. Are you treating yourself to a latte several times a week? Make your own or save it only for a special treat. You’ll end up saving a lot of money. Do you eat out for lunch every day? Making your own lunch is another huge money saver and healthier, too.
3. Look for the best sale/rate when you do have to buy something. There are a lot of website out there now that allow you to comparison shop. Watch the ads in your newspaper or check the ad out online. Put the money you would have spent either in savings or throw it at one of your bills.
Do you have anything that works well for you?
We’ve been talking a lot this month already about New Year’s resolutions/goals and weight loss is usually the number 1 goal. Maybe that’s why this is National Healthy Weight Week. I know that something about my weight is usually right up there every year. This year I want to lose those last 5 stubborn pounds and drop down to 25% body fat. We’re also a couple of weeks into the new year and all the festivities and over eating are now gone, hopefully along with any leftover cookies and candies you accumulated during the holidays as well.
Now, it’s time to focus on how to achieve a healthy weight. That doesn’t mean going on some crazy crash diet that you can never maintain for the long run or will break when you’re craving chocolate. It’s time to be honest with what you can and can’t do, but also stretch and challenge yourself a little. Let’s start with the basics:
1. Exercise – this is pretty basic, guys. Start with some movement. While watching TV, instead of chowing down on chips, do some squats, pushups, crunches, march or jog in place. Take about 15 minutes during lunch or a break and go for a walk. If it’s nice, go for a walk after dinner.
2. Watch what you eat – Increase the amount of fruits and veggies you eat and not the kind smothered in cheese. They should fill most of your plate. Eat lean meats like chicken and fish instead of beef. Instead of half a bag of chips while you mindlessly watch TV, put some in a small bowl. That way when you’re done, you’re done. The obvious is to cut back on the amount of junk you eat and drink and to watch your portion sizes.
What if you do all that, but you’ve still got a few pounds to lose?
1. Exercise – Find a few other ways to sneak in some extra exercise. Have you tried wearing a pedometer to see if you’re reaching the recommended 10,000 steps? Increase the intensity of your workouts if you can and challenge yourself a little harder. This is where I am in my struggle and so far, I like what I see.
2. Diet – Are you using a food journal? If not, try it for at least a week to see where you might be sabotaging your progress. Are you drinking too many high-priced lattes or glasses of wine? Sneaking in several sugary treats during the day? I spent last week on a detox diet because of all the excesses I had been indulging in the past couple of months. I felt great by the end of the week and am still cutting out several things this week such as dairy, wheat and sugar. I lost 2 lbs and a little over a percent of body fat.
Do you have any extra tips that help you get to a healthy weight?
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